Day 14, July 16: Biloxi to Greenville

Now comes the unscripted portion of our trip. Biloxi was our last scheduled stop. The mission now was to get home as soon as possible.

First we had to get out of Beau Rivage. We got up early and had a very good buffet breakfast, comped because of Jacqueline's high-roller play. (Coffee was still lousy, though.)

The Southern hospitality that Beau Rivage showed us on our arrival did not extend to our departure. The first-class valet-and-bell-desk we had encountered had been replaced by surly incompetents. Oh, well.

There had been talk of ... oh, hell, I don't remember at this point, but whatever mini-plans we might have had were spoiled by the biggest traffic jam I've ever been caught in, just past Montgomery. We barely moved for about two hours, and we didn't even get the satisfaction of seeing what caused it, though evidence suggested that a truck carrying sand dropped its load.

The new lunch plan: burgers at Krystal, the White Castle of the South. Without too much further delay, we found a Krystal in Auburn. I didn't even know there was a city of Auburn in addition to an Auburn University, but there it was. And quite a pretty town, too. I'm not sure I could tell Krystal burgers from White Castle burgers in a blind taste test. I'll take either, thank you. For the record, our home is about four hours from a White Castle and about 5 1/2 hours from a Krystal.

We were behind schedule, but not so far behind that we would abandon our pilgrimage to Athens, Ga. Jacqueline the Gator is no University of Georgia fan (and no Auburn fan, for that matter), but we're both big R.E.M. fans from way back. And so we got on the long, slow road from Atlanta. I've never seen so many Jamaican restaurants (sample names: Jamaica Me Crazy, Kool Runnings) or legal centers for people trying to beat DUI raps.

Athens was nice enough, but it didn't exactly give us an R.E.M. vibe. I suppose getting out of the car might have helped.

The haul-ass portion of our trip was decidedly understated, thanks to hunger and fatigue. It ended up being an 11-hour driving day, after all. We planned to stop in North Carolina -- Greenville, Spartanburg or Charlotte. Greenville came first, and Greenville won.

Part of the fun of a night without destination was going to be the ability to choose among hotels that we had actually seen, but that, too, ended up being a bit of a bust. We chose a La Quinta, based on previous experience and a general feeling that the chain is a cut above many of its low-priced competitors. We were disappointed this time, but this was no time for lingering in hotel rooms anyway.

It was 10-ish, and even though it was a Friday, we didn't want to take any chances food-wise. So we hurried out and drove the main drag. I was resigned to something along the lines of Ruby Tuesday, and it ended up being Chili's. We had the baby-back ribs that they sing about on those obnoxious commercials. Not bad. The cinnamon apples that come on the side were an unexpected treat.